“Mirror, mirror, on the wall… who’s the fairest of them all”? Oh, the allure of – jealously. Early in my 20’s, after the experience of a relationship I was in, I was able to develop a definition I now own for jealousy. To me if jealousy appears, it is a signal to unpack one’s story, particularly individual self-image.
Through the metaphor of a mirror, we reflect ourselves by how we are seeing others. A good example is stories related to jealousy. When we become jealous the strongest motives are likely insecurity or lack, from unspoken stories, of ourselves. We view in the other person, unconsciously or consciously, characteristics we desire to possess ourselves. Or we perceive someone having, maybe taking, what we want or believe to be ours. It is not about the other person. They are a mirror exposing what is truth if we choose to see it. It is natural, and perhaps easier, to deflect and turn away from the unveiling of our own story. The work to move beyond the triggered jealousy, means accepting who we are is enough and there are limitless possibilities available to all. We might have to consider letting go the idea that achieving who we want to be and what we want to have, rests upon efforts directed toward the object of our jealously. Personal accountability.
Obvious examples professionally often relate to career advancing/placement and formal/informal competition. (Along with a slew of personal / family examples; relationships, looks, talents, intelligence, achievements, etc.) A trusted confidant, coach, can help unpack confidence and abundance. The “witch” acting alone didn’t change the truth spoken by her mirror, nor did her desires to eliminate who stirred her jealously.
May one look directly into the mirror of jealously, acknowledging what they are seeing. Empowered there is the chance to write the story of our truest reflection, which often radiates a beauty beyond what the eye beholds but rather the heart holds.
Coaching to Inspire a better life, a better way!
I encourage you to know and connect with all your individual story. It is an outline for career choice, business and without a doubt contribution to culture. Like looking in a mirror, stories are reflected in the values and motives behind decisions, actions, and words…consciously, subconsciously or deflected. For instance, we can all relate to pain. If honest, we might notice in ourselves, or see in those who hurt us and others (unintentionally or intentionally), the often, silent suffering. This inflicted pain may show up in leadership style, company initiatives, hires, takeovers, transference, anger to name a few.
As realistically as possible, it has been my leadership and career practice, to not expect others to do what I am not willing to or have myself. So, knowing the possibilities for understanding and transformation, I offer, tell your story. If overwhelming, pick a “chapter”… first job, current role, 30’s, 50’s…give it a title. Then freestyle write, no worries of grammar, stream of conscious thoughts. What in your story might need some unpacking? Perhaps a buried hurt or untreated pain exposed? Are you open to let healing, and more authentic culture be reimagined?
Coaching to Inspire a Better Life, a Better Way!
I am being reminded of a movie that really stuck for me, Shallow Hall. Perhaps, like Tony Robbins (in the movie), he could make it possible for us all to reimagine each other through hypnotizing us, "to recognize only the inner beauty" vs. outside appearance.
As our society, our business, our own personal self-evaluations flirt (heck sometimes skips to marriage, 😊) with “less about one’s character, and more about one’s looks (ID)”, I offer just some potential markers on the path, to pause and reflect upon.
*Measurements of excellence *Right people, right seats
*Positioned for success *Mathematics… pure and simple.
*Performance expectations *Available, qualified talent
*Benchmark bars *Communication strategies
*Internal teamwork *Cultural dynamics
*Alignment of values, story, brand And more…
I share that personally; I was subject to the “suggestion” of taking the family company to a “Women-Owned” status. I could see the bit of hurt in my father’s eyes, but the customers assured us that it meant so much more potential revenue as our company would help fulfill diversity requirements related to their purchases. Dad let ego go, took one for the team. To be honest, I hated (and I never use that word) any resemblance of the idea someone was not choosing to do business, be in partnership with or see us as the best option for their needs as the top priority in making such a decision. Often being assured it was just a bonus reason, not criteria. But in the shadows, hiding was that why question. For myself, slightly dramatic, I didn’t like the feeling I or our business may be judged by what vs who. In the end, the “promise” of increased revenue was unfulfilled.
With some relevance, a LinkedIn connection, reminded me of an effective tool in battling addiction, “you must think beyond the moment, (or first drink), down the road (to the last drink).” Like a game of chess or the popular book The Art of War. Considering the consequences, not the feel good or trending emotions, of a on the surface decision as it plays out. Are we truly recognizing actions and or fully informed to plan for the future of ALL involved?
Fortunately, I have experienced myself both the Shallow Hal lesson and the addiction tool, becoming a believer early on to see past appearances and consider what is further down the path, in combination. Wondering now, maybe a pause and reflect is self-sabotaging? Learning through doing is more impactful. My words vulnerable to misinterpretations. Eventually regardless of how well-intended current views or decisions are, if not solidly connected with character, creates an abundance of future coaching opportunities? Hmmm?
Kind and sincere wishes, whatever it is, the best choices are made for the best reasons. (No costly divorces!)
Inspiring a Better Life, a Better Way.
What a great song, Dream Weaver, by Gary Wright. Good melody and sing along!
You have a dream, a vision, a solution but are overwhelmed by how to begin making it reality! I love being a part of the actual weaving of dreams within business possibilities. Whether a start-up or being reimagined, the creative process of making a dream reality is beyond rewarding for all involved!
Entrepreneurship is not for everyone, though a potential consideration of the times, is something I treasure. From my personal experiences in the multi-generational family business or starting from scratch, I empathically can share the many steps involved, both parallel and chronological. Rooted in principles that every dream is precious, each business is unique and embracing, an owner is to be respected as the Dreamer, I provide a structure, information, accountability and ask “powerful” questions through the journey. A basic tool I like to share is a one page “foundation” …that I just now am deciding to rename from “Simplified Business Plan” to “The Dream Weaver”. This template will prompt you through all the key markers of taking what you are imagining, into a phase questioning how it is, or to make it, viable and feasible. If you can dream it, articulate it, in companionship I will do all I can to support you while on the path towards achieving and growing it. You do not have to travel alone, nor should you, regardless of talent and capability. There is a lot to do!
Just because a business is established, of course dreaming does not or should not ever stop. At any point in its life, taking a new dream through the steps of making it real can be vetted. Many elements of the startup process are adaptable to a whole business reimagined, a single aspect of the business simplified, a concept, product, or improved process. I believe it is possible to continually create your dreams by applying inspired disciplines. “Cross the highways of fantasy, Help me to forget today's pain, Ooh dream weaver…”
(You can also tap many amazing resources, including the Small Business Development Center, I am so proud to be a part of.)
Creating to Inspire a Better Life, a Better Way
Over the last week, there has been a bit of a subtle focus going on for me, around communication. Talk about a never-ending discussion. (Yes, double, bad pun!) For the sake of this Blog, I share 3 examples of what has come up.
First – as a continuous learner, I am reading the book Conversational Intelligence. Author Judith E. Glaser, while educating on brain functionality, describes types of conversations we engage in and the role of “trust” in how we communicate with each other. It is always fascinating how often we can return to basic, centralized principles in relation to creating the quality of our life. Simply stated, without trust it is unlikely you will experience transformational interactions. But then of course, how exhausting it would be if ALL communication were at this deeper level, of share/discover. Sometimes you just need to exchange information. Other times, your goals are to advocate your position. Being aware of the desired outcome, helps channel how best to communicate. Having a singular approach may keep you from maximizing potential.
Secondly – building upon the ideas of multiple approaches, it can be said that it is not always about what is stated, but how spoken or even more important heard. There are writings after writings and supportive data, to validate over and over, we hear through our own filters, individual story. This reality brings up the continuous chance for us ALL to be aware of others from their experiences to personalities, taking a walk in another's shoes. About a year ago, I was introduced and trained on an amazing tool that makes this a feat that can be accomplished. Not just another personality assessment, B.A.N.K. from CodeBreaker Technologies, will teach you (together with a cool AI feature) how to show “understanding” and slightly adapt your conversational approach to initiate a stronger connection with whomever you are interacting with. Launched to capitalize on Why They Buy, (by Cheri Tree) for extraordinary sales results, there is no reason not to apply the techniques for greater team building and personal conversations too.
Thirdly – working with my small business clients, there has been a theme around expectations, discussed within communication strategies. Whether it is coaching owners, management team to establish a structure covering how they will communicate with each other (frequency, manner, accountabilities, agenda) to the verbal and nonverbal messaging showing up as culture (of business or family) to writing a proposal to clearly defining your audience (client, marketing target) engagement trigger, establishing clarity around expectations is not just a best practice but positions ALL for the greatest opportunities to succeed. Intentionally stating “expectations”, you can track accountabilities and work towards achieving what may be measured.
Trust + Understanding + Expectations… 3 knowns, but reminding, starting points when advising on or evaluating communication.
Easy...if only so! Happy communicating.
Connecting to Inspire a Better Life, a Better Way